What If You Could Tell Off Stupid Guests.....

[Max Fischer]

Ok, let's pretend that you are given a bonus 'pass' that will allow you to tell off one annoying guest per month, what would tell them, and why? Don't hold back, you can totally just unload on them, smile and get back to your work without fear of consequences.

[Freak]

Time to get out the baseball bat.... :twisted: That way I could slowly thin out the Anal Assholder herd... :twisted:

[Dante101]

That would depend on what the annoying guest did to piss me off...

But half the fun of working at Disney is getting back at annoying guests without them realizing it - or saying stuff that make them look foolish in front of the guests around them, but doing it in a way where you won't get in trouble.

It takes some time at first for a new CM to figure these things out, but they soon catch on by watching the more senior CMs that they work with.

And I must clarify - there is a difference between an "annoying guest" and an "a*hole." With an annoying guest, you might just say something briefly; something cutting but safe. Again, that depends on the situation.

For instance, one day at Greeter on Captain Eo, a nice couple came up to me and asked what time the next show was. I told them it was in 12 minutes, and they thanked me and walked away. Right after they walk away, this guy comes running up to me, and gets right in my face, and desperately inquires, "What was that!?!"

Now I was annoyed by his manner - very pushy, demanding, and litterally inches from my face. And a bit nutty, too - he was acting like I just told that couple the meaning of life.

“What was what?” I respond, quite simply. “Umm, are you open?” “Yes, come right in!” “Um, what time is your next show?” “Twelve minutes.” “Oh. Well, where are those people going?” indicating the previous family. “I don’t know,” I answer. For a moment I considered shouting to the family, “Excuse me! Where are you folks going? This man would like to know!”

I knew what the guy wanted to know, but because he annoyed me, I played with him, and left him hanging. To this day, he probably thinks his life would be so much better if only he knew what secret I told that nice young couple that night...

With an a*hole guest, you might want to go further.

For instance, on Star Tours, if you have an a*hole guest, you might purposely put his group in a row that doesn't have enough seats - so when the doors open, they have nowhere to go, and must wait another 5 minutes for the next cabin.

Or if a guest is a real a*hole, and starts using foul language, you can safely go off on him: (loudly and firmly, which catches them off-guard) "Hey! You're going to calm down right now, or I'll call security and have you ejected from the Park! This is a family park and we don't tolerate people using that sort of language around kids! This is private property, and you will follow our rules or leave!"

I've used that line a few times, and the people just go away, muttering to themselves. I got that from watching Security deal with people (before that department was castrated in the mid '90s).

OR:

...you could simply sick Tigger on them!
http://www.dannolte.com/roy.gif

[coffeegirl9]

Dude, talk about opening a can of worms! What WOULDN'T I say! How about 'No, I'm not open, I just sit here for fun!'. Or, 'You know, I didn't think that you could be stupider than you look, but I guess you learn something new every day!' Oh, so many things I wish I could say, this post would be sooo long if I said them all. So I'll just sum up. "Until you treat me with a little respect, and use your brain a little, you can just sit there, because I'm not going to help you. I don't care how shit on you are feeling, you selfish, whiny piece of crap. Go away."

[Zazu]

Could I save up three months worth of coupons and trade them in on a coupon to tell my supervision what I think?

[SpaceRanger]

Oh man, what WOULDN'T I say! lol hmm... well, here are some answers I've always wanted to give to stupid questions....

1. How much of a discount can I get with this card?
A: You don't... infact, I charge a fee for you to use it.

2. Where's Michael Jackson
A: In Never Never Land

3. Do you work here?
A: No... I just enjoy dressing like this for the fun of it

4. Where are the bathrooms?
A: In the bushes... Eisner cut the budget again, so we had to shut all of ours down... but feel free to use the bushes...

5. How much is a free cup of water?
A: $50 (actually.... I have said this one before... heh... me and the cashier next to me were cracking up, cuz the guest thought I was serious... unfortunately the lead didn't think it was quite as funny :twisted: )

6. Are you open?
A: Nope... someone locked me in here as punishment

7. Are you real?
A: Nope... None of the CM's here are, it's all cheap animatronics.

8. Do I have to pay to get inside Disneyland?
A: That depends... how good are you at sneaking in?

9. When is the 3 o'clock parade
A1: At 3am
A2: At 2pm

10. How much is it? (without saying what they want)
A: I'm sorry... I had my mind reading knowledge pulled. I'm not authorized to tell you that.

11. Do you take money and stuff?
A: It depends if you have any stuff worth taking

12. Do you give a discount to tourists?
A: No... actually... it will cost you 25% extra

13. Do you sell stuff here?
A: Nope... I only stand here to make sure no one tries to steal this building/cart/register

[SpaceRanger]

Could I save up three months worth of coupons and trade them in on a coupon to tell my supervision what I think?

hmm... not a bad idea...

[CujoSR]

Psst... Hey SpaceRanger...
Click Here (http://www.stupidguesttricks.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=62)

[goose]

Someone cuts in line:

Oh, just in case you never attended preschool or you're new to this planet: when there are many people waiting for something at the same time we form what is called a "line."

Someone stops me while I'm pushing my cart up a hill:

I'm a bit busy pushing a heavy cart up this hill. Perhaps your very important question could wait a few seconds.

[GuyFromTheBigSplashyRide]

When you are standing out front of an attraction during a down time:

guest:"Excuse me, what happened?"
me: "We are currently experiencing operational difficulties. We apologise for this inconvienence and thank you for your patience and cooperation."
guest: "Yeah, yeah... but what really happened?"
me: "As I said before... the ride is currently not running, please try back later."
guest: "Come on, you can tell me what really happened."
me: "...it was an A Lift Sensor Disagreement that caused the ride to time out."
guest:"I KNEW it."
(same guest five minutes later)
guest: "What happened?"
me: "Brer Fox finally caught Brer Rabbit and ate him. This ride will never open again. Go Away."

[VonSeegs]

Do I look like your mother? Funny. Last time I looked in the mirror I didn't appear to have a tail, paws, and fur and howl at the moon like the pack of wolves you were raised by.

Were you born stupid or did your mother drop you as a baby? (I actually used that one on the parade route doing GC)

I drink to forget people like you.

Please God don't ever clone yourself.

Me: No you can't go in right now. You're fastpass isn't good for another 3 minutes.
Guest: But it's only 3 minutes.
Me: Yes. But your ticket says 12:50. It does not say 12:47.
(Again I actually used that one the other day at the ghost house. I had CM's rolling on the floor with that.)

[Space Man K7]

Oh my God, what wouldn't I say...

For some reason I manage to get away with some of the things that I do.

Althought it all depends on the location...

At Space:
"Hey, Fat Ass... how bout you sit down now? and NO you can't have row one... Ever... you're too fat."

At Monohell:
" Um, No you can't make a round trip from Downtown... what part of ONE WAY TRIP DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? What? Do we go to Knotts?... Stupid!"

But so far the one that I did manage to get away with was on October 4th... some fat man with an SAP came on the canoes and refused to paddle because he had a bad back, and so did the rest of his large (as in fat) group. This was making it hard for me to steer, so I proved my point by side swiping the island, and said, "Now if we were on a track, and had a motor... would we have just hit the island? Now how bout we all paddle?" Let me add the fact that while I was trying to correct, I managed to snap my paddle... this also kind of scared the fat man's friends into paddling.
After Fatty told me he had a bad back, I asked him why he was on a canoe... he told me that he wanted to go around the river. I responded that if he refused to paddle, and wanted to go around the river, why didn't he try the Mark Twain or Columbia... THEY HAVE MOTORS!

[Freak]

At Space:
"Hey, Fat Ass... how bout you sit down now? and NO you can't have row one... Ever... you're too fat."
Hahahahahaha! That's funny!

Out of curiosity, how many "Bonus Passes" would you have to accumulate to redeem them for a pair of brass knuckles? :twisted: :P

I'm all for thinning of the Anal Passholder herd, but lets do it in style. :wink:

[Tim Gaines]

Wow...
I really do not know what all I would say. It's been a while since I've joined the Army, and my tounge is a little more free in what it can say and can't. However back in my days in the Eastside, I think the following situations would happen a lot (I would PHOTO-COPY that "exemption pass" and use it all the time!)

-Guest Exits HISTA with 3d glasses and passes the turn-in-point.
<SNATCH! Right off their oily hair, SWISH, into the basket>
G> "Hey! I wanted those!"
Me> "Oooh, looks like you got OWNED by my wicket snatching skills!"

-I am standing RIGHT by the "SPACE MOUTAIN sign"
G> "Where is Space Moutain?"
Me> "Do me a favor and look up... mmm, don't we feel stupid?"

-I am out at END OF LINE position
G> "What time are the 9 oclock fire works?
Me> Looking at them for a couple seconds, "Repeat that again, slowly..."

-Me, standing ANYWHERE stupid guests are located
G> "Do you work here?"
Me> Silence. Only a slow eye-scanning motion from my boots up then a pointed stare to my WHITE name tag.

It's been a while since Ive had to deal with any silly people like this, but I am sure given a week or so I could give you more appropriate, vular responses. BIOTCH.

[coldfire409]

I already have many snappy answers to stupid guest questions, but I would make sure to have many of those passes with me for these ones.

Do you work here?

No I just felt like standing here at the end of this line loading the ride for them.

What time is the 3 o'clock prade?

Sorry, it was an hour ago, you missed it

What do you mean that Fantasmic is full?

Yes, all these other people also wanted to see the show, and they were able to read the map to see that there was limited seating, and that they should be there before the show actually started

Is this ride scary?

That would depend on what is scary?

Well, will it scare my children?

Being the fact that I do not know your children or what scares them how am I supposed to know what will or will not scare them you idiot.

Is this ride like. . . ? Inserting a ride that is in some other park in some other part of the nation or world

Being the fact that I do not know you or where that ride is how am I supposed to know what that ride is like. Let alone being able to compare them. Do you think I am able to read your mind and tell you what you went on compare it to this ride.

Is it a ride?

No dumba** we just put ride in the name of the attraction to confuse everybody

[SplashMtnBoy]

My usual answer for the stupid question of "where's a good place to see the fireworks?" ,is "up in the sky is the best place. If we shhot them off on the ground noone would see them and it would give you guests 3rd degree burns."

:lol: -Joe

[Freak]

^ LOL!